The Dating Game
by the blanket
Summary: [cowritten with ohwhatsherface] “Aa.” Kakashi’s lone eye crinkled in amusement. “It would appear that the two of you are doing ‘The Dating Game…”
1. The Name of the Game

**title: **The Dating Game  
**authors: **ohwhatsherface & the blanket  
**pairing(s):** …SasuSaku, maybe some others  
**summary: **"Aa." Kakashi's lone eye crinkled in amusement. "It would appear that the two of you are doing 'The Dating Game…"

**disclaimer: **_So,_not ours.

**notes: **UM, SURPRISE GUYS.

Yeah, this is the blanket, and I'm excited. There's not really much to say, but this is going to be fantabulous, if only because my co-writer happens to be one of THE wittiest, amazingest

_(yesImakeupwords)_

OK, yeah. Enough fangirling. Read on. ENJOY.

Without further interruption…

* * *

"We're going to fail." 

"Shut up. We're not going to fail."

Haruno Sakura moaned, and dropped her head into the comfort of her folded arms.

"Yes, we _are_. We're going to _fail_ and all because you had to go and skip puberty right along with sixth grade." She lifted her green eyes up to the ceiling.

"Dear God, _why_ couldn't you at least given me someone with hormones?"

Uchiha Sasuke rolled his eyes, and took another bite of the sandwich he'd made at home. It was no wonder Sakura had been voted Drama Queen in their high school yearbook. She was just so melodramatic.

"Sakura, _shut up_. For the last time, we are not going to fail. Just because you happen to be used to mediocrity, doesn't mean the rest of us are."

The pink-haired girl sputtered.

"_Excuse me_? Mediocrity? I think you forget whose class average—"

"—was second to mine? Nope. Yours, wasn't it?"

Sakura growled.

"You're an ass."

"And you, Sakura, are bitter."

She sighed. Clearly the significance of their impending doom had yet to hit Sasuke.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Anyway. The point is, Kakashi-sensei has given us the hardest—"

"I wouldn't call it the hardest," Sasuke cut in, sitting back as so to fully enjoy his afternoon tomato. "He could have given us the one on the sex museum." He slid a sideways glance at his hopelessly pessimistic partner.

Hm. He'd never seen such an angry shade of red before.

"What I don't get," Sakura gritted out through clenched teeth, "is what _dating shows_ have to do with a media studies class."

Sasuke heaved a long suffering sigh.

"Well, the assignment is to categorize the impact that social constructs—heavily influenced by the media—have on human perception. If you remember," Sasuke continued, clearly bored with the whole thing, "Kakashi stated that, according to one school of thought, sex roles are nothing except a set of physiological, mental, emotional and social qualities assigned to us by our surrounding—"

"Sasuke, you're a textbook with the face of a Playgirl centerfold," Sakura interjected.

Sakura tuned out the rest of Sasuke's coma-inducing explanation and thought back to the class earlier that day…

**-**

**The Dating Game**

**Chapter 1**

**The Name of the Game**

**-**

She knew everything would go bad that day when Kakashi showed up on time.

It was just a bad omen.

And that morning, Naruto and Sasuke didn't even start a fight while walking to their class.

"So let's talk," Kakashi said, leaning his backside against his desk behind him while he looked at his class. "What are some common perceptions on people when we see them in the media?"

Naruto looked at him dumbly, from his spot at the front of the class. He sat with his legs propped up on the table.

Sasuke sat directly behind him and Sakura, beside Sasuke.

The blond blinked with confusion.

"Huh…?"

"Hm." Kakashi paused before taking an easier approach for the blue-eyed boy. "Alright. You see, the media is so powerful that it is the main source of what shapes our views on society and its sectors for example, social standings, or races, or _genders_."

The easier approach—

"To expand on the subject of genders," he continued, taking an orange book out of his pocket. "Through simple things like commercials, movies, books, reality TV, and more, we are often led to believe that between men and women, men are the more…"

Kakashi struggled to find the right word because he knew for a fact that a few of his female students had some tempers on them.

Sakura narrowed her eyes expectantly.

Sasuke smirked at Kakashi's discomfort.

"…Dominant."

"Excuse me—"

"But we all know that isn't true," he finished up quickly.

The females smiled, satisfied.

Kakashi waved the book he was holding a bit, and then tossed it over to Naruto, who sat closest to him.

"There's a good example," he said. "Icha Icha Paradise, although quite an amazing book, often shows the man to be more in control in a relationship than his female counterpart, unless of course you are reading the 'Icha Icha Paradise: Amazonia' series. Now _that_ one shows female dominance—"

Sakura faked a cough.

"Pervert."

Kakashi rolled his eyes at her unending feminism and grabbed the book away from Naruto when he began to flip through the pages. He walked over to the board behind him and flipped it over, revealing a side with some lists on it.

"Your assignment is to make your own commercial, short movie, book, show, _whatever_, as long as you make sure it reshapes people's views."

He took a pile of sheets off of his desk and gave them to one person to take and then pass down.

"What you create must show that the genders are equal," he concluded.

Sasuke sighed, tired and bored.

Sakura read over the sheet she got for further details on the assignment.

"It says we will be working in assigned partners," Sakura said, looking at Kakashi.

The man nodded. "That is correct." He began passing out another pile of sheets. "On this is a list of the partners and who will be doing what. Each group shall be given a subject of sorts that you will base your piece of media off of."

While Sasuke folded a paper airplane and Naruto stared at some girl's chest, Sakura busied herself with reading Kakashi's list.

HARUNO SAKURA  
UCHIHA SASUKE

"No," she hissed. "No."

It's not that she didn't like him.

Of _course_ she liked him.

They'd been friends since childhood.

It was just…

Sakura glanced at Sasuke from the corner of her eye and almost swooned because no matter _how_ hard she tried Sasuke _always_ remained her slight crush that she couldn't let go regardless of just _how_ hopeless the situation was.

"Kakashi-sensei!" she yelled to make a complaint.

The man in question stepped over to her with a secretive smile on his face.

Sakura slapped the table

"This isn't fair—"

"Aa." Kakashi's lone eye crinkled in amusement. "It would appear that the two of you are doing 'The Dating Game…"

Sasuke looked over at him, raising an elegant eyebrow and Sakura fought hard to not swoon.

"Hn?"

Sakura rolled her eyes at Sasuke's questioning _grunt_.

Kakashi merely shrugged.

"Personally, I think that the two of you should be feeling lucky." He pointed in the direction of Naruto and Ino who got stuck working together, much to the dismay of both blonds. As he walked away from the fuming pink-haired girl, he said, "At least you guys didn't get the one on the sex museum."

Sakura shrieked in frustration.

Sasuke folded his arms over his chest calmly.

"Hn."

As Kakashi walked away from them and Sasuke stopped caring about what was going on, Sakura went back to her usual past time.

Thinking.

Thinking about her love life—

Or well, the lack thereof…

And really, she should have known better. He had never once shown any inkling that he reciprocated her feelings.

Assuming he knew.

She snorted, turning away to begin packing up. Class was wrapping up in about ten minutes.

Sasuke was intelligent—brilliant to a fault, to be totally honest—but he was something of a moron when it came to the heart of the matter.

Her heart, to be more precise.

She wondered how, even after all these years, after all the signs—_God_, for a while she'd even modeled her schedule after his own just so she could, maybe, enjoy the full results of the proximity effect—Uchiha Sasuke still had absolutely no idea that she was absolutely head-over-heels, knee-deep in sappy, sugar-sweet _love_ with him.

Ugh. The cliché-ness of it all made her want to vomit.

_Or maybe_, her subconscious—christened Inner Sakura by Ino—said, offering up another slightly more heartbreaking possibility, _maybe he does know. Maybe he just doesn't know how to tell you that he doesn't feel the same way. Maybe he's worried about hurting your feelings. Maybe_—

"Hey. Are we leaving? And fix yourself. You look stupid."

Sakura sighed, and slid her bag onto her shoulders.

No, the last thing Uchiha Sasuke concerned himself over would be her feelings.

At once saddened and relieved by this sudden realization, Sakura absently smoothed her skirt, lifted herself up and off the seat, and followed her (perhaps) oblivious love-interest out of the empty classroom.

-

Sasuke stood and stretched. Sakura sat, silently admiring the way his shirt pulled tight across the breadth of his shoulders, and barely managed to suppress the urge to jump him. In a (futile) effort to distract herself, she pulled out her Blackberry and prepared to take notes.

"So, where do we start?"

Sasuke slid a sideways glance at her.

"My house is free."

"Oh. Well, all right then."

She stood up, and rubbed the ache in her shoulders before hoisting her shoulder bag back into place.

"Lead the way."

-

The Uchiha residence was a study in understated elegance. It was located about ten minutes away from their college campus—a simply (but expensively) furnished, well-built Victorian affair, sans the odd color combination.

Sasuke led them through the foyer and up the stairs into his room.

Sakura inwardly squealed and _no_ it was _not_ because when Sasuke went up the stairs, she was on eye-level with his—

Right.

But there were a number of _other_ reasons that did _not_ involve Sasuke's ass that were making her squeal on the inside. For example, they were going to Sasuke's room. Sure, she'd been there a few times, every now and then, but Naruto was always around, too.

Now, it was just the two of them.

In Sasuke's room.

Where he slept.

And stuff.

Where they'd be alone.

Together.

With the potential to do stuff.

Naughty stuff—

"Fuck."

Sakura looked a bit higher when she heard Sasuke's quiet curse.

"What's wrong?" she asked, sounding concerned.

Because she was concerned. About _Sasuke_, that is. Not about losing her virtue. She didn't have to worry about her virtue because duh, this was_Sasuke_—

"My brother's home," he muttered. They got onto the second floor and began walking to Sasuke's bedroom.

Sakura merely nodded, now understanding why she heard the water running.

She hadn't seen Uchiha Itachi since she graduated high school, and that was about three months ago. She remembered seeing him and his oh-so sexy smirk. It had really interfered with her valiant attempt to talk coherently when she gave the opening speech. And he wore a tie, too.

Itachi was the Big Man on Campus.

He was the one all the girls wanted to be with and all guys wanted to be.

But in Sakura's eyes, he could never compare to Sasuke—

In terms of love, of course.

But in terms of lust—

"So what are we doing?" Sakura inquired, closing the door to Sasuke's bedroom and then launching her way onto his bed. She'd been on it before, but at the time, she was wrestling Naruto for the remote control for the giant television in Sasuke's room because she wanted to watch some medical drama and Naruto wanted to watch some kung-fu movie.

Sasuke rolled his eyes and tossed a bag onto the bed to give it to Sakura.

"This was _your_ idea," he said with an annoyed tone. "You're the one who dragged us to the rental store to get some old episodes of The Dating Game."

He snorted.

"Which by the way, you made _me_ pay for."

Sakura waved a hand, smiling at him.

"Technicalities, technicalities!" The pink-haired girl stood up with one of the tapes and bent down by the DVD played to put the disc in. "All for the sake of a good mark, Sasuke!"

She heard the bed squeak, meaning Sasuke was now lying on it to watch the shows, and she went back to her habit of thinking.

Should she go back on the bed…?

_OF COURSE YOU SHOULD GO ON THE BED, _screamed her somewhat psychotic conscience, _THEN YOU CAN RAPE HIM._

Sakura swallowed and decided to sit by the television rather than go back to bed where Sasuke was.

Because then that would put thoughts in her head.

Bad thoughts.

Not good thoughts.

Naked-Sasuke thoughts—

"I should get some snacks!" Sakura declared, getting up. "And drinks. Food. Stuff in the kitchen. You know, like, not in your room." She swallowed, smiling awkwardly. "…Yeah?"

Sasuke glanced at her with his bored eyes and shrugged. "Get whatever you want," he said, raising the volume of the television.

After closing the door again and standing _outside_ of Sasuke's room, Sakura breathed a sigh of relief.

"Oh… Bad thoughts, Sakura," she muttered to herself. "Bad, bad, bad—"

"Talking to yourself, Haruno?"

"AH!" she screamed slightly, from shock. "GOD DAMNIT!"

Her eyes widened at the smooth voice.

Oh.

Oh no.

Sakura looked up slowly and saw the face of the ever-sexy, ever-perfect…

Itachi.

And then her eyes roamed.

And widened at what she saw—

Because standing before was an Uchiha Itachi donning nothing more than a fluffy white towel—that could very well fall off since he wasn't holding onto it—merely a foot or two away from her, looking down on her with his smoldering, dark, Uchiha eyes. His long black hair was still wet from his shower and it stuck to his perfectly tanned body. His smooth skin was glistening under the hall light, the droplets of water running down, down, down—

"Wow…"

* * *

Yes, we are evil. 

Um, THOUGHTS? 8D


	2. Should I Stay or Should I Go

**title:**The Dating Game  
**authors:**by ohwhatsherblanket (thank you, Annie, for the fantastic portmanteau)  
**pairing(s):** SasuSaku, duh.  
**summary:**"Aa." Kakashi's lone eye crinkled in amusement. "It would appear that the two of you are doing 'The Dating Game…"  
**disclaimer:**Still not ours.

**notes:**Um. Yeah. Sorry about the lateness, guys. We hope you all enjoy this latest installment of The Dating Game.

WE'RE HERE NOW.

And this chapter would have been here earlier, had the upload site been working.

But, we digress.

On with the fic!

* * *

Sakura stared. 

And stared.

And followed the path of that damned lucky droplet right down to where it met the fabric of his already oh-so-wet towel.

(because um, _hello_, hot naked man within groping distance, and already her hand was starting to twitch—)

_Say something! Anything!_ her wicked, wicked conscience said, yelling so loudly

(from the confines of her _mind_ and oh God, she really was in trouble, wasn't she, what with Uchiha Itachi standing there looking so damned _lickable_, and who _cared_ about that stupid, no-good, apathetic, might-as-well-be-asexual Sasuke,_ here _was a real hot piece of Grade-A _man-meat_—)

she was surprised he hadn't said anything. Actually, for the most part, Itachi was taking her embarrassingly open staring with little more than a vague sort of amusement. His lips were quirked in a little smirk, dark, dark eyes shut, his sinfully-long lashes brushing the sharp angles of his cheeks, looking for all the world like there was absolutely nothing wrong with the way he was_(n't)_dressed.

Which there wasn't. At all. In fact, the most base part of Sakura

(the one she attempted to appease with mountains and mountains of witty sarcasm, black leather boots, and green nail-polish)

thought that he should stay that way—naked save for a bit of fluffy white one hundred percent Egyptian cotton dignity, _forever_. As a model to all other men—a _standard_, even. He owed it to the human race.

God, he was hot.

But still, the logical part of her argued, still, he might get sick, wandering around _buck-naked_ in winter, and then he could _die_, still pretty, and _totally untasted_, and then there would be a _mass suicide_, or at least, a sudden increase in nunneries and convents and then, there would be _no more babies_, and—

_We. Would. All. Die. Out._

Decisions, decisions.

She leaned against the door of Sasuke's room to ponder her current quandary, for a moment leaving Itachi, who was _still_ standing there, in all his naked glory

…totally and completely _ignored._

(The thought that whether or not he decided to put clothes on was _not her decision _did not even cross her mind.)

Suddenly, the wooden surface she was leaning against started to shift, and before she knew it she was falling, _falling, falling_—

"I see you're practicing your catwalk."

back onto the lean, muscled frame of the one guy she still couldn't forget.

**-**

**The Dating Game**

**Chapter 2**

**Should I Stay or Should I Go**

**-**

Touching Sasuke had a tendency of sending something akin to a jolt run down her spine. When his skin came into contact with hers, her knees would buckle and she would struggle not to trip and her head would spin and her heart would flutter and her stomach would jump—

But Sakura then discovered it wasn't just a Sasuke-thing.

It was an Itachi-thing too.

"Ah,_oh my freaking gosh_!"

Sakura jumped out from her spot in the middle of the Uchiha brother sandwich. She looked wildly around the hall.

_You idiot! Stop looking at the freaking flower vase and look at them!_ screamed Inner Sakura, _It's not everyday you see Itachi with only a towel. DO NOT WASTE THE MOMENT!_

"Weren't you gonna get food?" Sasuke said, interrupting Inner Sakura and her appraisals of the sex god that was Itachi.

And diverting her attention to—

_Sasuke-kun…_

Inner Sakura sighed dreamily because while Itachi was a god in his own right, Sasuke was the one who would come sweep her off her feet and ride into the sunset with her.

"I… Uh… Yeah!"

And with that, Sakura ran down the stairs, leaving a smirking Itachi and annoyed Sasuke in her wake.

When she was gone, Itachi glanced at his younger brother, indifferent to the fact that he was walking around the house in merely a towel.

"Was that really Haruno?" he asked. "As in Haruno _Sakura_?"

Sasuke frowned at Itachi's question, and interest in his friend.

"Yes…"

His stare darkened when a mischievous smile made its way across Itachi's features.

"What about her?" Sasuke inquired in a cool tone.

"She gotten prettier since I last saw her."

And suddenly, as Itachi walked away from his expressionless brother, Sasuke felt something… _odd_ inside of him.

Was he jeal—

No.

He wasn't even gonna go there.

He gave one last glare to his ever so dear brother, an almost-warning, before shutting the door in his face. He growled, annoyed by something he couldn't name, as he eased himself back onto his bed, his thoughts wandering to the girl in his kitchen.

Haruno Sakura was a friend. A _good_friend at that. She'd never once shown signs of being subject to the same disease as any of the other girls he'd let into his life. Had never once simpered or sighed at his mere entrance, had never turned into a figurative puddle of goo at his size – 12 feet.

(had never dropped her books so that when he ever-so-helpfully bent over to pick them up, she would have prime pinching opportunities)

She was sweet, intelligent, and refreshingly uncomplicated. She rarely played games

(except for when she wanted him to buy her something ridiculously overpriced, like those leather boots last winter, or that box of Swiss chocolates last month, or—)

and, even if she wanted to hide something, her eyes would give her away every time.

And she wasn't even his _type_.

Sakura was pretty enough, he supposed, with her soft pink hair, and bright green eyes. Her smile was bright, and her skin was pale, and free of blemishes.

She wasn't afraid to order seconds when they ate out—as long as he was paying, of course, so she didn't look as anorexic as what seemed to be fashionable these days. She had…_curves_, he thought, as he made his way back into his room, and settled back on his bed.

(_and_, his hormones reminded him gleefully, _and she has _**boobies**._They're probably nice. And squishy. And—_)

Sasuke twitched.

_She's so annoying._

_- _

"Hi, yeah, can I get a large cheese pizza with um, extra cheese, please? Uh, yeah, I'm paying cash. Delivery to…"

Sakura needed pizza.

Pizza was _the_ ultimate comfort food.

Really.

She'd know.

She used it to cheer her up when it became obvious that Sasuke would never return her feelings.

"On second thought, can I get two of those please? Actually no. I mean yeah. Two large pizzas, but like, one with just extra cheese, and the other one will be meat lovers…"

"Don't forget the dipping sauce."

Sakura froze when she heard _his_ voice and almost dropped the phone.

"And," she hastily said to the person on the other line. "Could I get some dipping sauce please? Oh, the flavor…?"

"Ranch."

"Ranch, please. Yep, still delivery… Alright… Yeah, 'kay, thanks."

Sakura turned her cell phone off and shoved it in her pocket before walking over to the fridge and pretending to rummage through it.

_No way in _hell_ am I talking to _him she screamed to herself. _Not after I just _ogled_ him a few minutes ago. UGH!_

After a few more moments spent reading the Nutrition Facts on a pint of expired pineapple yogurt, she squared her shoulders. There was only so much time she could spend staring at the walls of the refrigerator before it started to get ridiculous, and she'd just crossed it. She poured a glass of milk and took a sip, exhaling with relish.

She stood up from her bent position, stretched, and turned around, only to once again come face to face with Itachi's

(and somewhere, in the confines of her mind, Inner Sakura was going on a disorganized rampage because it was—)

covered chest.

Sakura tried very hard not to feel disappointed. After all, Itachi having put on a black fitted shirt and pants was a _good_thing. Now, there was no worry of him getting pneumonia, or anything serious, from walking around with only a scrap of fabric to save him from prying

(green)

eyes.

Really, Sakura was pleased.

"Are you pouting?"

At the sound of his voice, she squeaked, and back stepped until the small of her back hit the breakfast bar. Amazingly, it seemed that no matter how much she backed away, the distance between them remained the same.

Until she belatedly realized that _no_, the laws of physics and logic weren't changing to spite her, Itachi was just matching every two of her baby steps with one of his normal ones.

Which meant that sooner or later—

"_Oof!"_

there would be nowhere left to run.

Itachi said nothing, but placed his hands on either side of her, so she was essentially sandwiched between his

_(hot, hard, very very male)_

body, and the white countertop.

Sakura swallowed, and placed her glass of milk on the countertop behind her. Itachi said nothing, seemingly content to watch.

Still, he did not touch her, only watched her reaction with half-lidded eyes. Somehow, Sakura thought, that was worse. There was a sudden knot in the pit of her stomach, followed by a brief swooping sensation that she equated with going on roller coasters, or down elevators. She could feel the blush creeping across her face, the heat that suddenly suffused the back of her neck, and she was suddenly very aware of the scent of Itachi's aftershave—a pine, woodsy scent, that she had only ever thought to associate with Sasuke.

She'd never even considered that other men would make use of the same scent.

(She'd never even considered _other men_.)

Her hair chose that moment to fall out of place, and her vision was suddenly obscured by cotton-candy pink. Before she could lift a hand to fix it, his had risen to the task, brushing them aside with the smoothest of movements, careful not to touch her any more than was necessary.

His fingers made the barest degree of contact with the side of her left cheek, and she felt his touch linger.

Something dark and heady twisted in the air around them, and she licked her suddenly dry lips.

"Itachi…"

He leaned in, until there was no room for anything but air between their lips.

"Hm?"

"…Are you go-going to ki-kiss me, because I, um, well…that is—"

"Sakura."

"Wh-what?"

"Shut up."

And he leaned in, and slanted his lips against hers.

Somewhere, in the back of her mind, it felt wrong. _This_ was wrong. This was Itachi, brother of he-who-she'd-fallen-in-_maybesortof_-love with.

This wasn't what she wanted.

This was pure, undiluted _lust_.

And then, Itachi pulled her lower lip between his own, and nibbled, and Sakura wrapped her arms around his neck, slipped her hands through his surprisingly soft black hair, and forgot everything except how to kiss back.

-

Sasuke sighed as yet another contestant blew a kiss at the audience. He turned away from the TV with a grimace, and leaned up to stretch. Mid-yawn, his stomach began to rumble, reminding him that he hadn't eaten since his sandwich and tomato lunch earlier that day.

He looked around.

Wasn't Sakura supposed to be getting food?

He shrugged it off, and shook his head.

"Probably got lost wandering the halls…"

Knowing he had to go get her before she caused any trouble (like last time when she almost dropped a lamp), Sasuke slipped out of his room while the audience on the nth episode he had watched laughed at something stupid one of the contestants said in hopes of 'wooing' the woman.

Wordlessly, Sasuke trudged down the stairs in the direction Sakura ran off to after seeing his brother in a towel.

"Oi, Sakura…"

His words broke off when he came to a halt at the doorway to the kitchen.

His jaw almost dropped from the shock but he regained his composure before he could be noticed.

(_If_ he could be noticed.)

Because in the kitchen he had found his brother pressed up against Sakura in a heated lip lock, with one of his hands tangled into her hair, the other on her hips—

And her own arms wrapped tightly around his neck.

Sasuke shifted awkwardly and cleared his throat to gain their attention.

-

Something was wrong.

Sakura tried to pull back, but Itachi's hold on her was tight,

(and really, it was hard to run when she wanted to be caught)

Despite the haze surrounding her, she managed to disengage her mouth from his

(very talented)

one, and gasped.

Sasuke was standing at the entrance to the kitchen, an unreadable expression on his face. Blushing at the thought of him seeing her in (almost, by her modest standards, anyway) _flagrante delicto_, she hastily pushed Itachi away, face burning an impossibly darker shade of red at the smirk on his face.

"Sasuke! I, um, that is…Itachi was just—see, I was looking for your, you know, the um—yeah, and I got lost a little and—"

She was saved from her less than eloquent attempt at an explanation

(and she vaguely wondered why she felt she owe him one to begin with, though that was a thought to save for later when she wasn't quite so red anymore, and the breath had returned to her lungs, and Sasuke wasn't _looking_at her in a way that—

when Itachi wasn't standing but two feet away looking so damned smug)

by the doorbell.

Sasuke didn't move.

"I, um, ordered pizza," she said, wishing the words didn't sound so hollow in the awkward silence between them.

Sasuke nodded, stiffly.

"I'll see to that, then."

He turned away, and Sakura couldn't help but wonder what was running through his mind.

She couldn't help but hope it wasn't nothing .

* * *

YEAH. The next chapter will be up…sooner. :DDD 

Tell us what you thought, yeah?


	3. Lover I Don't have to Love

**title: **The Dating Game  
**authors: **ohwhatsherblanket  
**pairing(s):** …SasuSaku, maybe some others  
**summary: **"Aa." Kakashi's lone eye crinkled in amusement. "It would appear that the two of you are doing 'The Dating Game…"

**disclaimer: **_So,_ um, none of it is ours. NONE.

**notes: **Thanks for all the reviews, guys. This update was a lot quicker, yeah? This story is ridiculously addictive to write. XD

* * *

Naruto shifted awkwardly at the tension at their table. 

He could _feel_ the unadulterated rage radiating off of Sasuke.

He coughed nervously and smiled at Sakura.

"So Sakura-chan, why did you invite me and Shikamaru out for lunch?" he asked, stuffing his face with a loaf of bread.

"We invited _Shikamaru_," Sasuke replied in an eerily calm voice before Sakura could open her mouth. He took a piece of bread from the basket in the middle of their table. "You just tagged along. You know Naruto, when you come along to someone's lunch or dinner or _house_, you shouldn't go around touching stuff. It's rude."

Sakura flushed slightly.

"Well it's also rude to not be kind to guests." Sakura forced a grin. "It's also rude to keep people waiting, and then expect them to wait for them still, the extra five minutes, hours, days, _years_." She shook her head with a mock-sigh and sipped on some water. "People can't wait forever."

Shikamaru cleared his throat to gain their attention to no avail.

Sasuke glared back at her defiantly.

"Regardless of whether or not someone is waiting for another person that does not mean they should go around touching the other person's stuff just because they are bored."

"Well maybe they're _not_ bored," Sakura hissed back. "Maybe they were fed up and tired and annoyed and hurt and, and… Well maybe the other person's stuff was just really, _really_ pretty, okay?!"

Sasuke snorted. "What is this person, _five_? Just because something looks nice doesn't mean you should touch it."

"Well just because someone can be devoted for some time doesn't mean _forever_!"

"Hey…"

Shikamaru coughed.

"So why was _I_ invited to this lunch that I was so not late for?"

Sakura's face reddened a bit when she noticed how aggravated she and Sasuke were getting. They were so far out of their seats, trying to prove points to each other.

"Um…" Sakura smoothed the cloth napkin she had put on her lap, which had wrinkled during her 'fight' with Sasuke. "We need you to help us with our project. We're making an episode of 'The Dating Game'. You are going to be our guy, and then we can hold auditions to find, maybe, three or four girls to be our contestants."

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow at her.

"So you want me to work with…"

He glanced from the tense and angry Sasuke to the tense and angry Sakura.

"…you two?"

They nodded.

"Yep."

Shikamaru made a face but he had faith.

Sasuke and Sakura were his _friends_—

"Well… Sure, why not?"

But why did he feel like he sold his soul to the devil?

**-**

**The Dating Game**

**Chapter 3**

**Lover I Don't Have To Love**

**-**

Sakura crumpled her napkin into a ball, and stood up.

"I'll be right back," she said, directing the comment to Shikamaru and Naruto, who were sitting across from her. She made sure Sasuke knew that she was snubbing him on purpose.

Not that he took it quietly.

"Where do you think _you're _going?"

She turned to him, a blank smile pasted on her face. Her hands were clenched into tight fists, her knuckles were white, and her voice, silken steel.

"I'm going to freshen up. If that's all right with you, _your Esteemed Majesty._" She stalked off, back ramrod-straight, steam all but billowing from her ears, muttering epithets under her breath. Sasuke merely rolled his eyes at her theatrics, and turned back to his friends, who had remained silent through their exchange.

Naruto squinted

(in that precise way he did before everything inevitably went to hell)

and asked,

"What did you _do _to Sakura? She's never been that pissed at _me_, even."

Sasuke huffed irritably. He should have known this would happen—that the second Sakura was gone, Naruto would pester him with questions that were clearly _none of his business_, so he could fix it, and they could all go back to being bright and shiny, or some such nonsense.

The boy had _such_ a Jesus-complex.

"How the hell should I know? She's probably on her period, or something."

Shikamaru snorted.

"You can do better than that, Sasuke. If you're going to lie, you might as well make it convincing."

"Yeah, you bastard! You must have done something really stupid if she's _that_ pissed. She didn't even give me the Look of Death, that one time Kiba dared me to go on a panty-raid and I took her pink, lacy—"

"Shut. Up. _Now._"

Sasuke turned around to see Sakura, clearly seething—and faintly blushing—at what Naruto almost revealed. She glared at him for a few more moments, before turning her attention to Shikamaru, who looked at her with wary eyes.

"Are you free later at around six?"

He raised his brow at her, and thought for a moment. He had a doctor's appointment, but that could easily be rescheduled. Sakura didn't look like the kind of person he wanted to disappoint at that particular moment.

"Yes."

"Good. We'll have auditions. Sasuke's house. Be there at 5:30."

Before Sasuke could protest—just _who the hell did she think she was_, volunteering his house like she owned it, project be damned, who the hell, _really_—Naruto kicked his shin under the table, and made a not-so-discreet slicing motion across his neck.

"All right." He stood up, hands coming up to rub the nape of his neck. "Is that all?"

"Yep. See you later, then."

"Bye."

He left, and then there were three.

Naruto looked at her with pleading eyes, clearly forgetting his earlier warning to Sasuke about aggravating her further.

"I want to help, too! Can I?"

Sakura arched her brow at him.

"Don't you and Ino have your own project to work on?"

The blond waved his hand dismissively.

"We're going to the sex place this weekend, so no worries! Maybe I can be a judge," he trailed off, hoping Sakura would accept his offer. He needed to find out what Sasuke had done to upset her. If she was _this_ mad, it promised to be entertaining.

At least, for him, anyway.

"…maybe."

This time, Sasuke would not be silenced. He turned to her, more than just a little annoyed.

"Who the hell made you group leader?"

She leaned in, close enough that their noses were almost touching. Had he been a lesser man, Sasuke would have gulped at the feral look in her eyes. As it is, he was just infuriated—by her high-handedness, by the project, by the sight of her intertwined with—

"Do you have a problem with that?"

"What if I do?"

Sakura growled.

"Deal with it," she bit out, before turning away and facing Naruto.

"We'll see you then. Don't you dare be late."

"Ri-right. I'm going to go now. Bye." And with that, he left hastily, clearly wanting to avoid the eruption of Mt. Sakura. He was curious, yes, but he sure as hell wasn't suicidal.

When they were finally alone, Sakura raised up a hand before Sasuke could say anything else. The fight had left her, and now, she just looked tired.

"Can we finish this later? I've…got somewhere I need to be."

He narrowed his eyes at her in suspicion.

"And what might that be?"

"It _might_ be none of your concern. I'll see you later, Sasuke." She picked up her green handbag, and walked away, leaving him to stare at her back.

-

Sakura tapped her green painted nails against the steering wheel of her Highlander with a frustrated look on her face. Knowing she wasn't going to be going anywhere for the next good few hours, she put the car into park and took the key out of the ignition.

She was in a bit of a pickle.

"It's not like I _need_ to apologize," she muttered, now shaking her leg. "_He_ was the one being a major prick, not me."

Sakura shook her head defiantly.

"_He_ should apologize."

Her nose crinkled when she made a face of confusion.

"But I was an asshole, too…"

With a loud groan, she slapped the wheel, careful not to hit the horn.

"Ugh!"

Sakura reached into her handbag and took out her Blackberry, then stuffed it into her denim jacket before stepping out of the SUV and slamming the door.

Hard.

"Stupid Sasuke," she hissed, stomping to the door of his house. "Stupid Sasuke and his stupid boy penis and his stupid, _stupid_ need to _always_ be in control." She ground her teeth together madly before knocking on the door hard. "And his stupid boy period, and his stupid pretty hair, and his stupid pretty face. He's so stupid! Stupid, stupid, _stupid_!"

When the door opened to reveal a slightly but not really disgruntled Itachi, Sakura's anger died down a bit.

"Can I help you?"

_Hell _yes_, you can help me!_

Sakura shook her head slightly to rid herself of any dirty thoughts.

"Yes. I mean no. I mean, you can help me. But not like that. I don't need help like _that_. I'm offended that you would think I need help like that."

She died a little inside after noticing his amused smirk.

"I…"

Sakura sighed.

"Um, is Sasuke here?"

"No, he is not." Itachi shook his head, appearing a tad bit solemn, but Sakura knew better. "Would you like to come in and wait for him? He should be getting home in about half an hour. He went to buy some new sets of locks…"

Sakura smiled slightly at his words.

_That is so Sasuke…_

She looked forward at Itachi moving to the side of the doorway as an invitation to come inside.

Sakura gulped nervously.

Alone time.

With Itachi.

Alone time with Itachi.

Sakura nodded and went inside. He led her towards the kitchen, after offering a drink like a proper host, and after she took one step inside the kitchen, she gave him a cross look, trying to look as frightening and intimidating as she could.

(which, really, wasn't very much at all, but she _tried_)

"You just want to make out with me again," she hissed.

His smirk grew and the venomousness in her voice lessened.

"So?"

Sakura sat on a bar stool, glaring at Itachi defiantly, her posture straight and her lips pulled in a straight line.

Itachi leaned over slightly against the kitchen counter, staring her down.

"I'm not going to make out with you."

He made a sound of amusement while walking around the counter, still looking at her like she was his prey.

"You say that now…"

As he came closer, Sakura put a hand on his shoulder and pushed him.

"No, I'm not going to make out with you! You are Sasuke's brother." Sakura poked him in the chest hard. "That fact makes this even dirtier and even more horrendously scandalous. No more kissing. Kissing, between you and me? Yeah, so not gonna happen—"

They both looked to the side when they heard a car door slam outside.

"Sasuke's here," Sakura stated tonelessly, somehow feeling like she'd won an unacknowledged competition. "Now—_Hey!_"

She frowned confusedly when Itachi began to drag her away and pushed her into another room. She looked around and shook her head at him incredulously.

"I'm sorry, but _why_ are we in a pantry?"

Itachi stepped closer to her, knowing that Sakura being Sakura would keep stepping back until she had no place left to move.

"What are you _doing_?!" she hissed furiously.

"I have a proposal for you."

Sakura arched a fine pink eyebrow at him as though he were insane.

_INSANELY HOT!_

"Excuse you? What kind of proposal involves you pushing me into a dark, enclosed—oh. _Oh."_

"You and me," he said in his sure, smooth voice. "We are going to use each other. For sex."

Her eyes widened and her cheeks flushed and Sakura smacked him hard on the shoulder.

"And why exactly would I _want_ to have _sex_ with you?!" she whispered loudly.

He smirked and lowered his face until his lips were nearly touching her ears.

"I look almost exactly like my brother."

Sakura flinched.

"You're in love with him, aren't you?"

There was a small silence until Sakura looked back up at him and met his eyes.

"The pants will stay on," she ordered through clenched teeth, poking him with every word spoken. "Kissing, groping, touching, making out, whatever, all of that, maybe, okay. But my pants? Yeah, these babies are staying on." Sakura nodded vigorously, struggling to believe her own words. "Now—"

"Shut up."

"Excuse me?!"

Itachi rolled his eyes.

"You are very annoying."

"Your _face_ is annoying."

_And pretty. And hot. And sexy, and beautiful, and—_

Itachi looked at her thoughtfully.

"Childish. _Absurd,_ even," he murmured, almost to himself. "But then, you're not in here because of your sparkling wit."

"Hey, what's that supposed to—_mmph!_"

Apparently, her earlier warning had done nothing to curb Itachi's interest in that-which-lay below-the-belt (the one that had somehow ended on the pantry floor). One of his hands had made itself comfortable in the small of her back, where it pressed her impossibly closer to his body, his fingertips brushing underneath the hem of her shirt to flirt with the smooth skin underneath. The other was tangled in her pink locks, which would have been something which caused him to tug at the pink strands at his slightest movement. After about the fifth time—with some effort—she pushed him away.

"What the hell is your problem? Do you like your girls _bald_, or something?"

He stared at her, still a little dazed. Sakura allowed herself a moment of mental celebration—_I shook the hot guy _up, _HELL YEAH!—_before going back to being righteously upset.

"What are you talking about?"

She glared at his ring—a simple, white, red-faced one that she'd never seen him without—and angrily pointed to her hair.

"Your ring keeps getting caught in my hair, and every time you move your hand, I feel six strands being pulled out!"

In response, Itachi leaned in, and put his mouth against the junction of her shoulder and neck.

"We have approximately three minutes before Sasuke comes down here to get one of his damned tomatoes. Do you _really_ want to spend that time talking about your hair, or my ring?"

Point thus proven, he stopped her protests with his mouth, and soon, she'd forgotten why she thought it was necessary to mention something so _trivial_, as the current status of one or two (or three, or six, or ten) strands of her hair. Itachi had just moved his lips down to her neck when she heard them.

Footsteps.

Approaching the pantry.

Footsteps were approaching the pantry.

Somewhere, in the midst of her fried synapses, something in Sakura's brain managed to tell her that being caught with her, um, pants

_(kind-of-almost-not-really)_

down in the pantry was a _bad_ thing.

She pushed against his shoulders in a sad, sad attempt to get him to stop

(_and oh, nnng, a little to the left, please!)_

doing _that_to her pulse point, and to stick that tongue of his back where it belonged,_ damn it_, because—

The door swung open.

Fortunately, it wasn't Sasuke—

"…Hey…guys. What's up?"

It was Naruto.

* * *

Whooooo. 

Review guys. Yeah.


	4. Whatever Gets You Through Today

**title: **The Dating Game  
**authors: **ohwhatsherblanket  
**pairing(s):** …SasuSaku, maybe some others  
**summary: **"Aa." Kakashi's lone eye crinkled in amusement. "It would appear that the two of you are doing 'The Dating Game…"

**disclaimer: **_So,_ um, none of it is ours. NONE.

**notes: **WHOO. All it took was four months. Blame me, guys.

* * *

Sakura thought that death was looking better and better with each passing second.

Surely, an eternity of blessed tranquility had to be better than _this_. She'd take an eternity of blessed _torment _over this. Because this?

This was bad.

Seriously.

She mentally reviewed her situation. Currently, she was standing in the middle of her One Truest Love's pantry, with her One Truest Love's hot, sexy, apathetic older brother. Her cheeks were flushed, her lips were bruised, and her neck was, no doubt, lined with hickeys. Her hands were tangled in long strands of pretty, pretty Uchiha-type hair, and her green eyes, she knew, were wide with panic.

Because her One Truest Love's Best Friend had just opened the door and caught her with her Pants Down.

Literally.

"Oh, God."

**-**

**The Dating Game**

**Chapter Four**

**Whatever Gets You Through Today**

**-**

Naruto squinted. He knew he should have turned the light on when he'd had the chance. There was no way he was going to be able to find the ramen in the dark like this. Sakura and—wait, was that _Itachi_? What the hell was Sakura doing in the closet with Itachi, he wondered.

"What are you doing with him, Sakura? Wait, hold on, let me get the lights. I can't see _anything_ with it all dark like this!"

He padded off, his footsteps echoing down the long hallway, and Sakura heaved a relieved—and slightly incredulous—sigh. She couldn't believe her luck. Thanking whatever deity she could think of for Naruto's terrible eyesight, the male pride he had in spades, and the subsequent insistence that he _did not _need glasses, she pulled her hands out of the clearly smirking Itachi's hair, and pushed him back She glared at him as she quickly pulled her pants up, and buttoned them. The arrogant ass didn't even have the decency to provide an (false) explanation when Naruto had asked for one! She had completely frozen up back there, and had the blond not decided to go back for the light, she would have been hard-pressed to come up with a decent lie on the spot.

Still shaking slightly, with both the exertion her quick, jerky movements had placed on her, and the reality of what Naruto had almost seen, she pressed her hand to her still-pounding heart. That settled it. Clearly, the Uchiha men were not good for her health. She turned to the still-silent Itachi with a scowl.

"You—you _planned _that didn't you? I don't know _how_, but I know you did. You timed it so that our…our _tryst_, or whatever would coincide with when Naruto has his afternoon snack! And then, you even set it up so that—"

Itachi slanted his lips over hers to stop her nonsensical rambling, and as much as she hated herself for her weakness, she felt herself molding to him for a few moments, meeting the languid motions of his lips with her own, before she remembered herself, and pushed him away at almost exactly the same moment that light began to flood the hallway. The sound of returning footsteps stopped the lecture that was forthcoming, but the look in her eyes promised that they would definitely be talking about his "unacceptable behavior" later.

Naruto came back, winded, and bent to put his hands on his knees. He'd felt his way up and down the hallway trying to find the elusive light switch, and all on an empty stomach. He really wanted his ramen, now, but first, he'd—

"So why are you in there with him, again?"

Sakura floundered.

"Uh…I—um, well. He was, um—"

"Scratching her itch."

Naruto cocked a blond brow in bemusement.

"What?"

Sakura shot Itachi a dirty look, before turning back to Naruto.

"What he means is I was hungry. And I couldn't reach the ramen." She wrung her hands in frustration with Itachi, with Naruto, and her sudden inability to lie convincingly. "When Itachi said he was er, scratching my itch, he meant he was um—"

"I was satiating her hunger for—"

"For_ food_. Yeah. For food. Just food. Because that's all I was hungry for. Yeah. Because I love food."

Naruto looked at her, clearly confused. After a moment, he shook it off, and motioned for her to move. He'd been waiting long enough.

"Um, OK, Sakura. Whatever you say. I just want ramen. Are you still hungry? Do you want me to make you a package?" He looked so genuinely worried about her—or at least, concerned about her state of sanity—that Sakura almost felt guilty. She opened her mouth to answer, but Itachi—the hot, hot, hot _bastard_—beat her to it.

"I do not think that will be necessary, Naruto. I think she's quite full after the…snack she just had."

With a final burning glance at Sakura, he stepped lightly around the blond and walked off, presumably to his room.

Naruto shook his head and reached up to get a package of beef-flavored instant ramen.

"That guy is such a freak."

Sakura followed him out of the pantry, shutting the door behind her and leaning against it. She sighed, touching her fingertips to the bruises blooming beautifully under her blouse.

"You have no idea."

…

…

…

…

…

She was not having a good day.

Sakura tapped her foot in annoyance against the hardwood floor of Sasuke's living room as (mindless) girl after (mindless) girl answered Naruto's dumb questions, hoping for a spot on their remake of The Dating Game. She didn't quite understand _why_ they were all there, because really, it wasn't like they were paying them. Her hands itched to smack the idiot whenever he asked a dumb question, but she was stuck sitting between Sasuke and Itachi.

"Okay," Naruto began in the most serious voice Sakura had ever heard him use. "This is a very important question—the most important question of the interview. This question—this very question," He tried to sound intimidating and it almost made Sakura laugh out loud, "will determine your place on the show."

He sat upright, straightening his spine and gave the girl a stern look.

"…Do you like ramen?"

She heard Sasuke's pencil crack.

The girl—Ino—standing in front of the so-called panel of judges (Naruto, Sasuke, her, and Itachi—Shikamaru was outside having a smoke) made a disgusted face at his oh-so important question.

"Like, _ew_!" Ino shrieked. "Are you _kidding _me? Instant ramen is basically sodium in a package. That stuff is disgusting! It can like, _kill_ you—"

Naruto looked very offended.

"OH NO, YOU SO DID _NOT_ JUST GO THERE!"

Sakura rubbed her temples and fought off the temptation to groan.

She was _not_ having a good day.

(And Naruto and Ino? Yeah, totally _not_ helping.)

In the morning, when she was washing her hair, she ran out of conditioner.

When she went to blow dry said hair, it just would _not_ work with her.

She found a stain on her favorite pair of jeans—the ones that fit her _perfectly_.

The new pair of flats she bought—the pointy white sling-backs with green circles—were hurting her feet.

She had to have lunch with the current bane of her existence (although he _did_ pay for her…).

Said bane's hot older brother just had to be annoying.

Ugh.

Sakura rubbed harder.

The world was severely sucking today. And the people, too. _Especially_ the people.

Sasuke was being a jerk.

Naruto was being annoying.

Shikamaru was being lazy, ergo useless.

And Itachi—

Her eyes suddenly shot open.

—was feeling her up.

Sakura was not quite sure how to feel.

_This is SEXUAL HARASSMENT!_ her inner self screamed loudly. _I DEMAND HE BE CHAINED UP AND… And… Oh. Wow. Itachi in chains. Now _that_ would be a pretty sight_.

_SHUT. UP._ Sakura retorted, her hands clenching and unclenching sporadically as she tried to figure out what to do.

It wasn't _that_ big of a deal.

_Yeah right!_

Sakura swallowed and kept her eyes on Ino. The blond girl was slowly becoming red with the way that she and Naruto were passionately fighting over the unhealthiness of instant ramen. Had there not been a hand on her thigh

(_stop_ thinking_ about it!_)

she most likely would have rolled her eyes, and joined in to point out to Naruto that Ino was actually correct. Instant ramen was practically made up of sodium and if Naruto continued to eat the way he did—with a pack a day—he was most likely going to be obese and die young.

Her inner rants on Naruto's eat habits were cut shorts when there was a movement along her thigh.

She let out a quiet whimper, but thought to herself, _Well, at least he's starting low, right? I mean, he was almost on my knee, and now he's…_

Itachi's hand moved up abruptly and he gave a slight squeeze.

Ever graceful, Sakura jumped at the action and fell out of her seat.

Onto Sasuke's lap.

…

…

…

…

…

Karin was never quite fond of Sakura.

That was most likely why when Naruto asked her if she wanted to come over to Sasuke's house later that evening to help him, Sasuke and _Sakura_ with some interviews and whatnot, she hastily agreed and drove right on over.

She never knew _why_ exactly, she just didn't really like her. It wasn't that Sakura was prettier than her or anything. Sakura had the whole innocent, sweet and almost naïve aura radiating off of her whereas Karin's went more along the lines of mature, sexy and sophisticated. They were both very smart and ambitious, but there was just _something_ about the pink-haired girl that Karin took issue with.

It was most likely the fact that Sakura would always have a bond with Karin's boyfriend that she could never compete with.

Sure, the fact that Sakura and Naruto saw each other as siblings (or just really close friends) was evident in the way that the former blushed whenever Sasuke Uchiha walked in the room. Still, the fact that she would always have a place in the blond's heart while Karin's spot was _replaceable,_ annoyed her.

However, Karin wasn't about to let a fellow female go on the way she was. _After all, it really doesn't do anything except make the rest of us look bad_, she thought to herself, as she observed the rapid reddening of the other girl's face. She decided to take pity on her.

"Sakura," she called smoothly, capturing the attention of the flustered girl in the lap of the altogether indifferent Sasuke. Inwardly, Karin tsked. Sasuke—_and Itachi, for that matter_, she thought, looking at the elder Uchiha with clinical, but certainly appreciative, eyes—was a fine, fine, _fine_ example of all the ways genetics could get things right, but the boy had the emotional response of a rock. There he was, a perfectly interested girl with her arms around his neck, _in his lap_, their lips scant inches apart—

and all he could do was huff in annoyance.

Though…was that a—?

Karin narrowed her eyes thoughtfully.

Yes. That was definitely a blush on his cheeks.

She rolled her wine-red eyes, and tried calling for Sakura's attention again. As entertaining as analyzing them had been, she needed to do something before Sakura did something stupid like—

"Argh! Damnit, Sakura, _stop moving!_"

"_Eep!_ Sorry, Sasuke! I'm just trying to get off—"

From the sidelines, Naruto snickered.

"So's _he_, Sakura. So, just keep on doing what you're doing and he'll—"

"_Shut up_, dead last. Shut up, _now_."

By this point, Karin had heard enough.

"OK. That's it. Naruto, either shut the hell up now, or no _biscuit_." Her eyes gleamed behind the glare of her glasses, as she reprimanded her sulky significant other. Unfortunately for the blond, Karin was decidedly immune. "You," she turned to Sasuke, who was apparently still in shock, "and _you_—keep running your rehearsals or whatever. And don't glare at me like that, Sasuke. Maybe it would have worked three months ago when I'd have paid Suigetsu forty bucks to get your track pants after cross-country training, but not now." She ignored the pout on Naruto's face, as well as the glare he threw in Sasuke's direction.

"Shut up, Naruto, _don't_ _even_."

She turned to face Shikamaru and the Fab Four, who were watching the goings-on with barely disguised interest. Or well, at least Ino was. Kin was examining her nails, Tayuya was staring at Naruto and Sasuke with bloodlust in her eyes, fairly gagging for a fist-fight, and Temari was glaring down at Shikamaru who had fallen asleep in the chaos.

"You guys just…carry on."

Sakura, who was still reeling, looked up startled when the redhead once again addressed her.

"And you. Shut your mouth, and come with me."

Dazed, the pink-haired girl could do nothing else but follow.

…

…

…

…

…

"So are those hickeys on your neck, or is there some new choker trend that I've missed out on? Because, I generally make it a point to stay on top of these things, and it'd totally kill my pride if you told me that this popped up while I was getting my framed glasses and black leather booty shorts."

If Sakura hadn't been holding the plate she'd been washing in a sink-full of water, it would have shattered into countless shards on the tiled kitchen floor. Karin's question had caught her off-guard—her intention, Sakura was sure. She'd always had the vague feeling that Karin didn't like her very much, though the reason eluded her. She couldn't recall doing anything to upset the other girl, but she knew better than to depend on logic to giver her answers. Girls were a different breed entirely, and even she had to admit to that.

Sakura sighed.

"_Hello_? Sakura? Waiting for a response here."

The pink-haired girl thought through her options. On one hand, she could confide in Karin. She could tell her about Sasuke, and Itachi, and the dirty, dirty pantry—get another girl's perspective, maybe gain some clarity.

Maybe even gain a friend.

Or, she could lie and say she'd hit herself against someone's mouth-shaped doorbell.

Repeatedly.

In a circular pattern.

Around her neck.

Sakura opted for whatever was in between.

"There's…"

She paused and began to alternate between chewing on her bottom lip and pursing them altogether. She repeatedly opened her mouth to say something, and then closed it right after, unsure of what exactly she should say to Karin.

"There's this guy."

"Tch." Karin rolled her eyes at Sakura's response. She leaned against the island in the center of the kitchen before propping herself onto it to sit. "Well _obviously_," she scoffed. "I think I already kind of had that much figured out, hun."

"…Oh."

"Please don't tell me you thought it wasn't obvious," Karin said. "I mean, hello, you've basically got _I-did-the-nasty-nasty-with-a-major-McHottie-in-the-broom-closet_ stamped on that forehead of yours." Her red painted lips curled into a small smirk. "And we all know how attention grabbing that huge forehead is—"

"Is it _really_?!" Sakura interrupted, shrieking and letting the insult go.

On any normal occasion, she may have snapped back at Karin and jealously commented on the other girl's hips—

(_Well at least she _has_ some freaking hips,_ Inner Sakura scoffed, _that stupid ugly evil beautiful skank!_)

—but at that moment, all Sakura could wrap her mind around was the fact that she was selling herself out.

Karin raised both eyebrows in surprise at Sakura's response, grinning evilly as she said, "Ah, so there really _is_ someone. Care to share who?"

"Um… No."

Suspiciously, Karin glared at Sakura. "Is it _Naruto_?"

Sakura looked offended.

"Ugh, ew, _hell_ no! It's—"

"Sakura."

She froze at the sound of Sasuke's voice cutting off her almost-declaration. Her back was to the kitchen entrance but she could feel Sasuke's smoldering eyes boring into her back. She was afraid that if she looked at him, she might crack.

Sakura swallowed awkwardly before replying, "Hey, Sasuke…"

"Uh, hello, have we forgotten about your Best Friend's Girlfriend?" Karin asked loudly, perhaps trying to conceal Sakura's nervousness by diverting the attention to herself. "I mean, Sasuke, I realize you're antisocial—"

"There are four loud, annoying girls in my living room," Sasuke stated, not even sparing Karin a glance. He looked calm, but his annoyance was barely concealed, "They are fighting, and shouting, and being annoying." He grunted. "You speak Girl. Tell them to get the fuck out of my house." With that said, Sasuke left the kitchen.

Sakura moved to follow after him but Karin called out, "Sakura."

She paused, but did not look back at the redhead sitting on the counter.

"Yes…?"

Karin pushed herself off of the marble and hopped onto the floor, her eyes trained on Sakura all the while.

"We're not done talking, yet."

The pink-haired girl breathed in deeply.

"But we're done now."

She left without another word, leaving Karin still staring at the spot where she'd been standing, eyes filled with speculation.

…

…

…

…

…

"So, do you want to tell what Itachi's hand was doing groping your thigh?"

The Highlander's wheels screeched in protest as Sakura pressed hard on the brakes, just barely managing to avoid running past the crosswalk at the red light. She planted both hands on the steering wheel, knuckles white with strain, and panted, concentrating all of her energy into slowing down the rapid beating of her heart.

Shikamaru—the absolute _bastard_—couldn't have looked more comfortable, with his seat resting at an almost-180 degree slant, leaning back, feet propped up on the dashboard. His eyes were closed, his head tipped back in what could have passed for silent contemplation. The almost-crash hadn't fazed him in the least, and Sakura had the sneaking suspicion that he'd expected her rather violent reaction.

She wondered if the interrogation—curious though he may have been, he was still _Shikamaru_—had been why he'd asked her to drop him off after rehearsals had ended.

Sakura thought back to the dulcet tones of Ino's screeching, Temari's seething, Tayuya's cursing, and Kin's whining. And then, she considered the fact that after fifteen minutes of hearing them each explain why they were Shikamaru's Destiny—

(Well, Temari hadn't really done anything besides blush and glare, and she supposed that Tayuya's muttered profanities didn't really count as a plea for admission, and _fine, _maybe all Kin had done was attempt to bully Naruto into letting her in; Ino had certainly outdone herself into earning a spot for all four of them when she'd flat-out told the casting committee that the four of them would damned well team up and _sabotage_ anyone else who tried to get their grubby hands on their "pineapple-haired paramour."

Sakura shuddered inwardly. A _poet laureate, _Ino was not.)

—she figured he'd probably gotten tired of all the unwanted attention, and saw her as his one last chance for _quiet_ salvation. The questioning was probably just a way to pass the time.

"Oi. Are you planning on answering anytime this century? I don't play shrink very often, you know."

Sakura chuckled.

"That's because you're _lazy_," she retorted, and then paused, considering.

"And a pimp."

Shikamaru groaned.

"Don't _you_ start."

"Hey, all I'm saying is, you've got four attractive—albeit _scary—_mostly-intelligent, definitely-interested girls chasing after you. After _you_. That's a long way from being Treasurer of the D&D club. Any guy would be thrilled."

Shikamaru snorted, and shut his eyes, apparently mulling over his next few words. Sakura looked at him out of the corner of her eye. She rather liked Shikamaru. He was uncomplicated, as far as guys went, but she wondered if she thought that merely because she wasn't interested as anything more than a friend. Intelligent, witty, and funny in that caustic way she adored. He was also steady. Sure. They had history, she thought. For all that she'd been teasing him about the Dungeons & Dragons guild at their old high school, she hadn't forgotten who'd held the post of Secretary.

Sasuke and Naruto were nice. Comforting.

Brothers.

Her face heated up.

OK, maybe she was hoping for a little _more_ with Sasuke.

But Shikamaru…

Shikamaru was different. He knew her in a way no one did, and despite the distance…

Shikamaru was Shikamaru. And that was that, she decided.

She looked over at her silent passenger, and growled a little when she discovered he was dozing. Smirking, she decided to brake. The sudden jolt, she thought, was not _nearly_ as satisfying as the way Shikamaru almost hit his head against his calves.

"Ow! What the hell was that for?"

She stuck her tongue out, feeling playful.

"You never answered my question! _And_, you had the gall to fall asleep in my company."

"Like I'd be the first."

"Shut up, and answer me. What'll it take for you to settle down?"

"_Settle down?_ Sakura, you are beginning to sound dangerously like my mother." He turned his attention to the passing scenery.

"Shikamaru…"

"Fine, fine. You're so troublesome." He sighed, and the sound seemed to be filled with the weight of ten worlds. It was not just a little absurd, considering all she was asking was why he couldn't sit down and just _pick_ one of those harpies.

"They're too…much."

Sakura quirked a brow, and turned right onto the street parallel to Shikamaru's. That his was a one-way street had become the source of more than a few of her rants.

"Too much of _what_, exactly? _Blonde_ ambition?" She laughed silently at the sheer cleverness of her one-liners, and pouted when Shikamaru mimed slicing motions across his throat.

_Some people just didn't appreciate fine humor_, she thought huffily.

"I want someone who isn't going to drive me insane; someone who's not too pretty, not too smart, not too _anything_. Someone average, someone—"

"Mind-blowingly dull?"

He rolled his eyes at her exaggerated horror, and looked pointedly at the fading bruises around her neck.

"At least I don't go for vampires."

Instantly, she blushed red, busying herself with pulling into his driveway. She pulled the key out of the ignition, and turned to him, expecting him to leave without further questioning. Unfortunately, Shikamaru was facing her head-on, a look of intent fixed on her. Clearly, he wasn't going anywhere.

_Well_, Sakura though determinedly, _neither is this conversation_, _if I have anything to say about it_.

She avoided his eyes, and ran her eyes over the green of his front lawn. She wondered what his mother did to force him to keep it so impeccably maintained. And, _oh_—were those tulips? She _loved_ tulips, especially in yell—

"So, how exactly did you manage to get Itachi? Threats? Blackmail? Subterfuge?"

Sakura drew herself up to her full height—a rather dismal 5'2, even shorter since she was driving—and attempted to glare menacingly. How dare he! Like she, Haruno Sakura, would _ever _have to resort to such means—

"Did you plant yourself naked in his bed? Or in the—"

"No, I did not. I _seduced_ him," she declared hotly. "With my feminine wiles! _And_ my mystique!"

Shikamaru ran his gaze over her, deliberately slow.

"Yeah, _what_ mystique would you be referring to, exactly?"

Sakura contemplated murder, and then promptly deflated.

"You weren't asleep, were you," she asked dully, already knowing the answer. "At rehearsals. You faked it to shut the Fab Four up."

Shikamaru shrugged, unrepentant.

"The best things happen when I fall asleep."

He turned to her, eyes serious.

"Sakura…"

And that was all it took. In front of Karin, she'd been cautious, unsure. But this was _Shikamaru_. He'd tell her what to do.

Or he'd listen—which would be infinitely better.

"I'm so _tired_ of waiting for him." She whimpered, and Shikamaru sighed. There was no need to ask who the _him_ in question was. He made no move to comfort her, despite the increasingly pitiable sounds coming from the driver's seat. He decided that the best thing to do would be to wait out the tears, and hope for eventual coherency.

"It's been years. _Years_. And I can't—I just—Itachi makes it not hurt as much. I mean, it's dirty, and I'm a filthy, _filthy_ whore, and it's nothing serious, there's no _sex, _but it makes the ache stop, you know? It's stupid, and cliché. _I'm_ stupid and cliché. And _filthy_. And Sasuke hates me. Probably. Definitely. And he's still my _stupid, stupid_ eyelash wish, and I'm a mess, and Itachi's really pretty, and he kisses really well, but he isn't _Sasuke_, because Sasuke's an idiot who doesn't—who doesn't—"

She broke off, sobbing harder, and Shikamaru winced.

"Stop crying," he said, patting her awkwardly, careful to keep his distance. "Your nose looks really ugly when it's that color. And, um, that _size_."

She glared at him from out of tear-stained green eyes and he breathed a sigh of relief. Anger, he could handle. His hopes for a return to sanity were dashed when her face crumpled, and she promptly resumed her bawling.

"And now, I'm _ugly_."

Shikamaru resisted the urge to beat his head against the window. This was getting out of control. He sat there, silently, not exactly content to listen to her incoherent rambling, but he knew better than to interrupt again. Finally, after the whimpers had died down into quiet snuffles, he handed her a tissue he'd found while rooting through her glove compartment, rifling through his mind for the right thing to say.

"Er…your nose is back to normal," he ventured, and braced himself for a repeat.

Instead, he was reminded of the reason he'd never consider Sakura either.

She was quite clearly _Insane, _evidentby the way she was smiling at him now_._ He grunted when, a moment later, she'd thrown herself against him, knocking him back to the passenger seat door.

"Thank you," she said, her voice muffled against the fabric of his shirt, "thank you for not being able to do anything about it."

Shikamaru looked at her, confused, and a little afraid. She laughed.

"Thank you for not trying to fix it. Thank you for just listening."

Smiling, she drew back, into her own seat and unlocked the doors. Shikamaru stopped as he stepped out onto the sidewalk, and ducked his head back into the open window.

"Hey, Sakura."

She looked up, smiling softly.

"Yeah?"

"Karin was in the kitchen with you, wasn't she? I'm sure she asked—she's not stupid. Why didn't you tell her? She'd probably have given you advice, or something girly like that."

This time, she grinned, full-fledged and beautiful. No, Shikamaru thought a little regretfully, Sakura was definitely not ordinary.

"Because you're my person, Shikamaru."

He quirked a brow.

"Your person? Like, your manslave?"

Sakura laughed as she started the engine, and shifted gears, shaking her head at the ignorance of men and boys and all those in-between.

"No, Shikamaru. Like _My Person_."

She pulled out, leaving him blinking quizzically after her, but oddly satisfied all the same.

…

…

…

…

…

Sasuke frowned at the television. He may as well have been alone, considering the fact that Naruto's hands were busy trailing along Karin's thighs and her fingers were occupied with running through his hair.

(_Ew_.)

He merely rolled his eyes to them, though, and concentrated on watching whatever Karin had picked out on the television. He would have changed the channel to something more interesting (or really, just less irritating) but the remote just _had_ to be beside the kissing couple.

Ugh.

"_Why_ are we watching this crap?" he muttered, crossing his arms. "That girl is just a whore."

Karin then pulled away from her boyfriend to give him an offended stare. "It is not _crap_! And like, no _duh_ she's a whore! Most girls in soap operas _are_! And it's not her fault!" Karin frowned to herself. "Or well no. No! She is _not_ a whore! Her case is _different_!"

Sasuke raised an eyebrow at the girl sitting on the couch adjacent to the loveseat he was on. Naruto was sprawled across the leather couch quite comfortably, with Karin half leaning on him. He almost snorted thinking of how hard it was to take her seriously with her clothes rumpled, and her lips swollen, lipstick smudged, and red hair messy. Oh yes. She was one to be talking.

He turned back to the show and its clichéd storylines, frowning at their bad acting.

"That girl is sleeping with one guy, while being in love with his half-brother," Sasuke stated dryly.

Naruto decided, at that moment, to speak up, saying, "Yeah, in my book, that kindasortasomewhat _does_ spell a 'slore'."

Karin swiftly turned her head to him and smiled

(_dangerously_)

sweetly.

"Narumuffin?"

"Yeah, babe?"

"_Shut. Up_."

She then turned back at Sasuke with a glare.

"And _you_! That girl is _not_ a slut or whore or a _slore_!" Karin defended. She was sitting at the edge of the couch with a manicured finger pointing accusingly at Sasuke while she ranted because he was justso_ wrong_. "She is just being misunderstood!"

"Care to elaborate?" he suggested. His apathy almost made her throw a pillow at him.

"Yes!" she yelled. "Yes, I will elaborate! Fine! The girl, Mai, yeah, she has been in love with Kyo for _years_. Do you hear that, Sasuke—_years_! Years! Three hundred sixty five days times like, _eight_—not including the friggin _leap_ years! But that's not even the issue! The issue is that he doesn't _see_ her. She tries over and over to show him how much she cares—she helps him, she talks to him, she teaches him, yada, yada, but Sasuke, he just does_ not_ see her! He _never_ sees her."

Karin flailed as she passionately ranted to the indifferent Uchiha. She took a moment to take a deep breath before continuing.

"And then Hiroshi came along." Now, the redheaded banshee's voice took a more mellow and sad turn. "He wasn't exactly Mr. Nice Guy—sure as hell not Mr. Perfect, and not at all Mr. Right since that's Kyo, but still someone along the lines of someone great. He _is_ great. He's nice and he's hot but to Mai, he's just no Kyo."

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "That means nothing—"

"I WASN'T FINISHED YET."

Karin cleared her throat.

"So yeah, fine, maybe Mai fooling around with Hiroshi may seem a bit on the skanky side, but get some _perspective_, Sasuke! He is the closest she will _ever_ get to a Kyo because the real one is just a _blind_, stupid _idiot_ who doesn't _see_ her! There is a void. A void that only Kyo can really, really fill but since he is not doing said filling, Hiroshi's doing it. And fine, maybe the void isn't being completely filled—not the way Mai really wants it be, but there's still something in it. And… Something's better than nothing, right?"

Karin smiled sadly at the television.

"Someone's better than no one, right?"

After a short period of silence (and perhaps even contemplation) she slapped the couch in frustration.

"God! Kyo is such a _moron_!"

Sasuke tuned out the rest of her rant, and stalked out of the living room.

He _hated_ television.

* * *

So after four months, it's here.

Let us know how we did, and review, yes? XD


	5. Take It Like a Man

**title: **The Dating Game  
**authors: **the fanon blanket  
**pairing(s):** …SasuSaku, NaruKarin, maybe some others.  
**summary: **"Aa." Kakashi's lone eye crinkled in amusement. "It would appear that the two of you are doing 'The Dating Game…"

**disclaimer: **_So,_ um, none of it is ours. NONE.

**notes: **So! It took a bit longer than expected, _but_ in our defense, we've written other things in the meanwhile. I hope this chapter induces some roffle-fits. :)

* * *

Naruto hummed _Mission Impossible _theme song as he stealthily stepped into Shikamaru's room. It wasn't hard really, since Shikamaru's mother loved Naruto – most people did – so when he told her Shikamaru had asked him to pick something up, she immediately led him inside.

He continued to hum until—

"_Would you shut the hell up already?!_"

Naruto cringed as Sakura's naturally piercing voice rang through his ears, seeming to be louder than usual. Suddenly, he regretted putting duct tape on the button that now kept him in constant contact with Sakura and Sasuke's matching walkie-talkie. "Ow…" he moaned painfully.

"_Okay, now, Naruto—_"

"OI!" The blond rolled his eyes when Sasuke spoke, and let out an annoyed huff into the microphone. "It's _Agent Foxy_—"

"_Um, _no_!_" Sakura interrupted. "_We decided you'd be Agent Spanky Pants, remember?_"

"Yeah, but we also said that if I was Agent Spanky Pants, then you'd be Agent Crunky," Naruto fought back. If anyone was watching him, they'd probably think he was insane with the way he was standing in the middle of Shikamaru's room talking to nobody in the dark. "I mean, it is _only_ the laws of biology, Miss Total-Light-Weight-Who-Gets-Plastered-After-One-Shot-And-Sings-Bad-Terrible-Horrible-Karaoke—"

"_YOU SHUT THE HELL UP!_"

Sasuke grunted into the walkie-talkie to voice his annoyance.

Naruto scowled, and on reflex, made the finger only to remember Sasuke couldn't see him, thus he settled for voicing his thoughts. "Aw, fuck you, Agent Cockatoo—"

"_Stop calling me that, idiot._"

"But it suits your hair—"

"_Yeah,_" Sakura interjected. "_I thought we agreed he was Agent Pretty Boy_."

Naruto snorted and gave a sardonic laugh. "Yeah, sure, like _I_ would actually call that loser a Pretty Boy." He paused for a moment and then a smirk made its way onto his lips. "And besides, the one that we agreed on was Agent Queer of Hearts—"

"_I'll kill you_."

Sakura sighed loudly over the walkie-talkie.

"_Agent Spanky Pants, just shut up and get the guitar_."

Naruto frowned then. "You forgot to say 'over', Agent Crunky, over."

"_We had a whole conversation about codenames and _none_ of us said 'over'. Does it _really_ matter?"_

"YES, AGENT CRUNKY, IT DOES MATTER. YOU _SHOULD_ CARE, OVER."

"_Well I _don't_ care, over."_

He paused before smiling and muttering under his breath, "…Your mom does, over."

"…_IF YOU DO NOT SHUT THE HELL UP AND GET THE DAMNED GUITAR RIGHT NOW, YOUR LIFE WILL BE OVER!_" Sakura screeched back. "_OVER_."

With a frown on his tanned face, Naruto looked around Shikamaru's room to find the wooden instrument. The walls were painted a nice light blue, towards the top, along with the ceiling, with fluffy white clouds on them, too, but towards the middle and downward, they were a leaf green. He remembered the last time he were in Shikamaru's room, the lazy brunet had explained that when he was in the midst of repainting his walls green, he got lazy and that finishing the job would just be too troublesome.

"_Did you find the guitar yet_?"

Naruto rolled his eyes at Sasuke's tone. He didn't like it. Naruto took issue with Sasuke's damned holier-than-thou attitude. It was annoying.

"Tch, did you find your sex drive yet?" Naruto muttered back. He rummaged through Shikamaru's clothes which were all strewn across the room. He cringed at a pair of dirty socks he came across, and thought it'd be best not to touch the pizza box that was sitting on the floor.

"_I'll kill you._"

"You've said that to me twice now in the past three minutes, Agent Emo Bastard. Get a new line, seriously!" Naruto grunted and went over to Shikamaru's bookshelf, looking through the books and DVDs that were stacked there. "And I mean, with what, the Power of Emo? What, Sasuke? Are you gonna show me how to slit my wrists properly?"

"_Dobe, I—"_

"OH, MY GOD!" Naruto suddenly yelled.

"_What?! What's wrong?!" _Sakura questioned. He could hear the concern in her voice but paid it no heed.

A wide grin pulled at Naruto's lips. "HOLY CRAP, BASTARD! SHIKAMARU HAS _NASTY, NAUGHTY NURSES PART FOUR_!"

The moment the words came out of his mouth and he heard Sakura inhaling deeply, Naruto knew he'd probably be in need of a hearing aid in the near future.

"_NARUTO_!"

-

-

**The Dating Game  
**

**Chapter Five**

**Take It Like a Man  
**

-

-

Sasuke winced at the sheer volume in Sakura's _dulcet_ tones, and then glared.

"Right next to you," he reminded her snidely. "So loud. And _annoying_," he said, as an afterthought.

"Shut the hell up, Swiss-Miss."

Sakura met his angry glare with one of her own, breathing heavily as she tried to regain the oxygen she'd lost while yelling at the moron. Sasuke wished she'd quit it. Her gasping was doing all sorts of interesting things to the green button-down she was wearing, and that drop of perspiration he couldn't help following with his eyes was dipping down into the hollow of her throat, leaving a slight, damp trail in its wake. It didn't help that she'd left the first two buttons undone in a concession to the heat wave. When she made a move to unbutton the third, he decided he'd had enough.

"Stop it."

Sakura looked at him, clearly confused.

"Stop what?"

"Breathing," he said, instantly regretting how ridiculous it sounded in open air. "It's loud," he clarified, after clearing his throat. Clearly, the heat wave was causing delusions.

Sakura furrowed her brows at him for a moment, and opened her mouth to reply, but ultimately, decided against it.

"How much longer does that moron need?"

"He should be back soon," she replied, though it sounded distant. There was something else on her mind, but before he could think to ask her about it, she turned to him, a question on her lips.

"Sasuke, do you read porn?"

Almost as soon as the words left her mouth, Sasuke felt the tips of his ears heating up, and knew instantly that they were now a flagrantly embarrassing red.

"Why _do_," he said, voice cracking on the second word. _Stupid monosyllables,_ he groused internally, before opening his mouth to try again—and this time, with dignity. "Why do you ask?"

"I was just wondering, is all," Sakura replied, playing with a lock of her hair. "I mean, I'm sure all guys do, but you don't exactly have any hormones, so I mean—"

"What?"

Sakura stared at him as though he'd grown a second head.

"Hormones, Sasuke."

"I have hormones," he retorted, almost defensively. Sakura smirked.

"Really now? Let's go down the list, shall we?" Ignoring his clenching fists, Sakura began. "You definitely don't get enough serotonin, since you don't smile very often—the rare times that you do, small babies, _and _baby animals alike start to mewl in terror. While we're at it, we can strike dopamine off the list, since you don't seem to get any particular enjoyment out of food, and as far as I know," she continued, her voice growing softer, "you don't get any happiness from being sociable. And well…" Sakura said, her voice trailing off. "Then, there's your libido…"

"That isn't a hormone," Sasuke said tightly.

She was looking at him now, with an emotion that he could not identify. There was certainly realization there, as though she was just now waking into awareness—an epiphany—a dawning sort of understanding, and a wistful sort of distance. But there was something else, too, a sadness that he almost called longing.

"No, it isn't," she said, still speaking so softly that he had to strain to hear her. "But still. There's no desire here, is there?"

For a moment, there was nothing but silence. Sasuke shifted uncomfortably in his seat, wondering at the sudden tension in the air. Sakura avoided his eyes—she knew that continuing along the same vein would only make things more awkward—and lifted the walkie-talkie to her lips, intent on asking Naruto about his progress, when a shrill scream filtered in from the living room.

"_You total bitch!"_

Sasuke groaned at the sound of shattering vase that followed the exclamation. Sakura looked at him, suddenly apologetic.

"I'm sorry, Sasuke. It must be a pain having them over for this."

He waved off her apology, glad that the unease had dissipated.

"Whatever. I'm going to go make sure that those harpies don't break anything. You—stay."

Sakura pouted.

"What am I, your dog?"

As an answer, Sasuke said nothing, only pausing to pat her head absently as he walked into the catastrophe that used to be his living room.

-

-

"What the hell is going on here?" Sasuke asked, scowling, as he entered the fray. He cocked his head to the side clinically as he took in the scene in front of him. As Ino and Karin were rolling around on the ground, he noticed that their shirts half-off, and sent a smug _I-absolutely-have-hormones-watch-me-as-I-prove-it _mental note to Sakura. From the scratches on Karin's cheeks, it looked like Ino hadn't taken the redhead's attempts at choking her with her own blonde hair too kindly.

Sasuke shuddered—he was so very glad he had a penis. At least boys fought with fists instead of pointy fingers. He turned to Temari who seemed to be egging Karin on in her fight against the other blonde.

"Where's Shikamaru? He was supposed to keep all of you in line."

Kin looked up from her textbook—_Machiavelli: On Social Class and Class Conflict_, the standing-room only class taught by Orochimaru-sensei—to answer, as Temari and Tayuya, who'd just come out from the bathroom, seemed to be more occupied with the mêlée on the floor.

"He went out for a cigarette break."

Sasuke glowered, but said nothing.

"Where's," panted Ino, "Sakura?"

"She's in the kitchen," he replied indifferently.

"Recovering from your recent love-fest," Tayuya asked slyly.

Sasuke was as responsive as a stone fox.

"What are you talking about, exactly?"

Temari snorted.

"You'd have to be an idiot not to see it."

"But then," interrupted Ino, "Sasuke-kun's never been the sharpest crayon in the box. At least not when it comes to _this_."

Karin sat up, the argument now mostly forgotten. She'd deal with Ino's comments about Naruto's inability to help her with their own project—"_he's forgotten how to get anything but himself done—and don't think I don't blame you for his distraction, you total whore!"_ Here was a chance to dig for information about Sakura's strange behaviour the other day.

"That's definitely true," she murmured, pushing her glasses up on the bridge of her nose. "Definitely not the freshest tomato in the garden—much to Sakura's disappointment, I'm sure."

"He's an idiot, isn't he? And probably asexual."

"Oh, absolutely. Didn't you see him the other day when she fell in his lap?"

"What kind of guy wouldn't cop a feel? He just sat there, like '_oh, some girl just fell into my lap, so I'm gonna sit here and wonder why she's not getting off, instead of snogging her brains out, or I dunno, maybe some touchie-touchie. By the way, I am a nineteen-year-old male._' " Ino twitched.

"Seriously."

Karin nodded emphatically.

"_Seriously._"

Sasuke gaped at the two of them for a moment, before shaking his head.

"Weren't the two of you fighting just now?"

Ino and Karin looked at each other.

"Oh yeah."

"Right."

"Whore," Ino offered lamely.

"Bitch…?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes.

-

-

-

"_So Sakura-chan, what are you wearing?_"

Sakura rolled her eyes at his stupid question as she stirred her freshly cooked instant ramen. "Naruto, I'll kill you."

"_Kidding! Kidding!_" She heard Naruto let out an annoyed sigh over the line. "_Fine, so what are you doing? Make conversation with me, I'm _bored_, Sakura-chan!_"

She slurped up some noodles while walking over to the backyard deck. It was a particularly nice place during the day, especially when it was sunny. The doors to the backyard deck were simply long panels of glass. Ignoring Naruto's banter, she continued walking over to the door, sliding it open and stepping outside, enjoying the nice October breeze. It was sunny outside that day, with a clear blue sky and clean fresh air. It was on days like these when Sakura appreciated the relatively secluded area the Uchiha brothers called home. Their backyard was fairly large, and led into a forest and a small ravine.

Sighing comfortably, Sakura put her ramen and chopsticks down on the deck table and curled into the chair she chose, contemplating a tan.

"_I really appreciate you ignoring me_," Naruto declared sarcastically. "_Seriously. I was even being nice. All I did was ask what you were doing—"_

"I'm eating," Sakura muttered into the walkie-talkie. "I'm eating _ramen_."

"…_Are you hitting on me?_"

With a growl, Sakura threw the walkie-talkie across the deck and successfully landed it in the rose garden Sasuke's mother had put there during the summer when his parents were living in the house. She winced, noticing a few bent flowers and told herself that she'd plant some bulbs there next week.

Sakura picked up her food and began to munch on her noodles in a relatively peaceful silence, not really caring about the possibility of the girls eating Sasuke alive or whatnot. When she finished, she placed the empty cup and chopsticks back on the table. Yawning, Sakura pulled the sunglasses that were resting in her hair and put them on properly as she lay under the warm sun.

Her peaceful quiet was interrupted by the sound of the door sliding open and someone stepping onto the deck.

Propping herself up on her elbows, Sakura turned her head slightly and bit back a moan at what she saw.

_Oh, my God!_

"Good morning, Sakura," Itachi greeted when he saw her.

_HELLS _YES_, IT IS A GOOD MORNING!_ Inner Sakura cackled as Outer Sakura shamelessly allowed her eyes to wander over Itachi's form behind her dark sunglasses.

Everything seemed to cling to his body, Sakura noted as she fought the urge to gawk, from his black shirt to his shoes. She found her cheeks heating up from the sight of his muscles rippling beneath the form-fitting tank top and the way his cropped pants stuck to his body like a second skin.

_Don't stare at his crotch. Don't stare at his crotch. DAMNIT STOP STARING AT HIS CROTCH!_

Sakura swallowed painfully and diverted her gaze to the wooden floor. "Good morning, Itachi. What are you up to?"

"Just some morning yoga," he replied calmly, gesturing to the mat he was holding that Sakura failed to notice earlier. "Would you care to join me?"

Inner Sakura was having a seizure. _Hun, I can think of something else I'd rather join you in._

"Um…" Sakura smiled at him politely as she shook her head. "No thanks. I'm busy."

He raised an eyebrow at her in a way that made her want to swoon. "Oh?" Itachi eyed the empty ramen cup on the table. "Are you sure? I think it could do you well."

"…_Excuse_ me?!" Sakura hissed, taking extreme offence to his words. Instinctively, she glanced down at her flat belly, frowning at the way her tank top was hugging her hips. She was _petite_, damnit, and she _so_ was _not_ fat! How _dare_ he say such a thing?! Sakura stomped towards Itachi and poked him harshly in the chest, resisting the urge to run her finger down his hard muscles. "I will have you know that I am _totally_ in shape."

Itachi smiled patronizingly. "Ah, I am sure you are."

"I _am_!" Sakura huffed, about to have a childish temper tantrum. She scowled at him and lightly slapped his arm. "I go jogging every other morning, you know. _And_ I'm on the school's volleyball team. _And_ I do yoga everyday! Ha, I even drag Naruto with me to my Saturday morning classes, so the joke's on _you_, buddy!" With a triumphant and smug grin, Sakura placed her hands on her hips while staring Itachi down. "Take_ that_!"

Sakura gulped uncomfortably as she felt his eyes rove along her body. He lifted his gaze to meet her eyes and a smirk pulled at his lips.

"I think I'll need to see some proof to believe that."

"Why, you—"

"Oi, Sakura."

Neither Sakura nor Itachi noticed when in the midst of their banter, Sasuke had stepped onto the deck with a calculating stare focused on them. He stared at his brother for a moment before frowning at Itachi's outfit.

"Yoga, _again_?" Sasuke inquired, sounding rather pained.

Itachi closed his eyes momentarily and ran a hand through his long black hair. "It's _healthy_." His smirk reappeared once again as he returned his younger brother's stare. "But you already know that, don't you Sasu-chan?"

Sasuke's cheeks flushed and Sakura stared at her friend confusedly. "Huh?"

"Sasuke used to do yoga as well," Itachi explained with a cruel smile on his perfect lips.

"What?" Sakura couldn't contain her giggles as she stared at Sasuke incredulously, ignoring the blatant glare directed to her. "Are you serious?"

"Our mother used to make us do it with her when we were kids," muttered Sasuke as he glared at Itachi for revealing the secret. "Stop laughing—"

"I'm sorry!" she apologized half-heartedly. As her laughter faded away, Sakura moved away from Itachi and over to Sasuke, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Really," she continued, struggling to sound genuine. "It's nothing to be embarrassed by, Sasuke-kun! I mean, I make Naruto do yoga with me. Maybe you should come with us one time!"

Sasuke glared.

"It's _good_ for you!"

He continued glaring.

"Fine, fine…" Sakura raised her hands in a mock-surrender. Before she could control herself, Sakura grinned at him in an almost seductive manner. "But I'll have you know, I am _very_ flexible."

She felt validated at the sight of Sasuke blushing and swallowing in what was most likely nervousness. There was a light sheen of sweat on his forehead and she was absolutely positive it wasn't from just standing in the sun. As his Adam's apple bobbed, Sakura rejoiced.

And then she remembered Itachi was still there.

_Oh, okay, I am a whore,_ Sakura mentally wailed. _I am a dirty, dirty whore. Did I seriously just flirt with one guy and then move onto his _brother_? Ugh, I am going to hell…_

"I…" Sasuke cleared his throat and regained his composure. His blush faded and he went to his usual impassive expression. "I'll go get Shikamaru. Naruto's back already."

She nodded slowly. "Sure."

When he left, Sakura turned around to apologize to Itachi for just about ignoring him but frowned when she saw him across the yard and entering the dirt path for the forest.

Sakura sighed and tried not to think about what she got herself into.

-

-

-

"All _right_! We're finally gonna start our project," Naruto exclaimed, bouncing on the balls of his feet in his excitement. Sakura rolled her eyes, and placed the video camera on the ground to make room for her beloved megaphone. Sasuke tried hard to stifle a snort.

Ino shot him a dark look as she swept her blonde bangs behind her ears.

"Idiot! This isn't _your_ project, remember," she reminded him pointedly. "We haven't even started ours, yet."

"God, are you ever going to give him a break about that? No wonder you agreed to being on _The Dating Game—_this is probably your one shot at a relationship, huh," Karin muttered under her breath.

Ino looked at her, blue eyes narrowed with a thinly-veiled threat.

"What are you implying, you stupid cow?"

Evidently, Sasuke mused, as he watched with wary eyes, the truce from earlier had been long forgotten.

"What was that, you bleach-blonde witch?"

"Why you—"

Just as Ino was about to pounce, Kin cleared her throat.

"Pardon me for interrupting your…_witty _banter," she said snidely, lip curling in distaste, "but some of us have places to be, and can't afford to waste time."

Temari nodded in agreement, though she had been watching the confrontation with more than just casual interest, while Tayuya outright scowled at the deterrence of bloodshed.

Naruto pouted. Just when things were getting good, Kin had to go and interrupt.

"_Anyway_," Sakura continued, clearing her throat, and ignoring the screeching feedback that came with her shrill pitch. "Back to the point." She opened her mouth, and then paused. "Actually, maybe we should explain the whole gist of this set-up."

"That'd help, Forehead," Ino said lowly, still stewing over Karin's comments.

Sakura ignored the old insult, and smiled serenely.

"For as long as they have been around," she began, "dating game shows have long favoured the idea of masculine agency. That is," she continued, now picking up steam, "they have long implied that a woman's place is—"

"You're wrong," Shikamaru said slowly, his eyes still shut, and head still tipped back against Sasuke's backyard porch. "If dating games were proponents of masculine agency, then the women wouldn't typically be the ones who chose the winner, since that is after all the definition of the word _agency_, at least in this case, isn't it? Then again, you would have known all that, if you'd done more research and less ki—"

"_Anyway_," Sakura said loudly, drowning out the rest of Shikamaru's words with a dark look. From her vantage point in front of the group, she could see Kin nodding her agreement with a thoughtful look, Temari's slow smirk, and Ino's sudden giggle-fit.

She snorted. What the hell did they see in him?

"_Thank you_, Shikamaru," she said, imbuing the words with more frost than a blizzard in mid-winter.

"No problem."

"Hey, Sakura-chan."

"…What, Naruto?"

"Want some Icy-Hot to help with that _burn_?"

-

-

-

Sasuke sighed and pushed his right arm out to stop Sakura from tackling Naruto for his quip. He'd better be getting some sort of eternal reward at the end of his life, he thought irritably—it was the least God could do for making him suffer the indignity of sharing the same breathing space with such…_bumpkins_. Clearly, if anything was going to be done today, _he_ would have to take charge. He nabbed the megaphone out of Sakura's suddenly stiff hands, and cuffed Naruto on the back of the head. The blond looked anything but offended. If anything, he seemed to leer at Sasuke with what looked like a perverse sort of camaraderie.

"_Hey,_ Sasuke! I _knew _you had it in you! I _knew_ that your priss-act was just you playing hard-to-get! You _love _the ladies, don't you?"

Sasuke twitched when Naruto continued to grin at him in that irritating, _loud_, obnoxious way he seemed to specialize in doing.

"What the hell are you talking about, dumbass?"

Naruto smirked.

"Take a look at where your hand landed when you went to stop Sakura-chan from attempting to pummel me."

Sasuke arched a brow, and flexed his right hand experimentally. He was surprised to hear the startled squeak that came as a result of his reflexive action, as well as the gasps of Shikamaru's harem. What was so—

Then, he paused.

There was something…_soft _underneath his hand. Rather like a pillow, he mused. Rounded, perhaps, and just big enough to fill the palm of his…

_Oh my—oh…_

He was squeezing Sakura's…bosom.

"ARGH!"

-

-

-

Sakura had a Dilemma.

In one hand—and she ignored how her Inner cackled over how thoroughly _appropriate_ her word choice was—the potential Love of Her Life was holding her in that…oh so special way lovers did, though granted, generally they did this sort of thing in private. Recent trysts with Itachi aside, Sasuke was the epitome of all her girlish fantasies, the dream she'd never quite given up for lost.

On the other hand, he was _groping _her.

In public.

The bastard didn't even have the common courtesy to at least ask her out on a date first!

She didn't know whether she was more upset about that, or at the fact that he'd actually screamed—_screamed!_—in what sounded like horror that any part of his precious person had come in contact with her…heart.

She felt herself stiffen at the thought, her arms rising to rest against her chest.

Unfortunately, she'd forgotten that Sasuke, due to what she could only assume was immense shock, had yet to remove his hand.

-

-

-

Sasuke's eyes twitched as he felt his hand digging deeper into forbidden territory. By now, Naruto had gotten past his amusement and was staring, mouth agape, blue eyes wide at the spontaneous—and infinitely awkward—porn scene in front of him. Finally, he regained control of himself, shaking his head to rid it of his daze.

"He—hey, you two! Save that for later, all right? Sasuke's room is like, twenty steps away, and I'm not really up for a free show. Why don't we just get back to the project?"

It was as though he'd emptied a bucket of water over their heads. Instantly, Sakura's arms released Sasuke's hands from their hormonal death-trap, and the two spent the next few minutes staring determinedly at everything except each other.

It was, Naruto decided, more than just a little funny to watch.

Ah well, he'd tease them about it later.

"Now that the _Playboy _preview's over with," Naruto said, waggling his eyebrows pointedly, "let's start over. Basically, ladies, we are making you work for our little Fairy Prince." Here, he threw a wicked look at Shikamaru, who had not moved from his lounging position.

"Please, Naruto," Sakura said, rubbing her temples and avoiding Sasuke's eyes. "Let me finish."

Naruto's face fell.

"Fine. I'll just go talk to _Karin_, then."

He bounded to the back of the crowd to where his red-haired girlfriend was waiting, and proceeded to sulk at having the megaphone taken away. Sakura ignored the theatrics.

"As Naruto said, the four of you ladies are going to be given a few…let's call them _tasks_. I mean, you've all read the fairy tales—yet another symbol of Man's domination—right? There's always some epic quest the Prince has to undertake, in order to get his True Heart's Desire." She sighed a little at this, while behind her, Sasuke mimed gagging.

"Anyway, you're going to be doing the same thing. Today," Sakura declared, "we're wresting control away from those chauvinistic bastards! You guys," she said, including Kin, Ino, Tayuya and Temari, in her sweeping gesture, "are going to show everyone that women can fight for Love just as hard as men do!"

An awkward silence and a muffled snore from Shikamaru was the only response she got.

Sasuke coughed.

"Your first task," he said, determined to avoid Sakura's eyes for the rest of his _life, _"has been taken from _The Frog Prince_. In it, the titular character has to retrieve the princess's precious golden ball, in order to obtain her happiness, and her favour. We've taken something of equal value from Shikamaru," he said monotonously, ignoring Shikamaru's sudden grunt of protest, "and hidden it in the forest behind me. Your first task is to find this item, and deliver it to your…_princess _with as little damage done as possible."

He smirked.

"Within _one _hour."

Naruto ran up to the front again, unwilling to be left out of the explanation.

"Yeah, _one _hour," Naruto yelled loudly, flush with enthusiasm. "And we'll be getting all the action with Sakura-chan's trusty video camera!"

Sakura shook her head at his volume, but said nothing, clearly resigned to a life without functioning eardrums. She looked at the "contestants" in front of her— at Kin's calculating eyes, Temari's confident smirk, Tayuya's bloodlust (or, well, maybe that was just plain _lust_—Sakura couldn't really tell), and Ino's fluttering hands.

"Are there any questions?"

Again, only silence greeted her query.

"All right, then. Let the games begin."

* * *

Ehehe. :D?

Review please!


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